What Would Muhammad Say to 21st century Muslims? Based on Multiple Views.

(Copied and Pasted from my previous site)

 

How would Muhammad address Muslims if he were revived today?

Written below are simulations of different versions of Prophet Muhammad’s letters to 21st century human society.  Each version is based on how the different parts of the spectrum view him.

I have written from the perspectives of the following versions of Prophet Muhammad:

  • Conservative
  • Moderate
  • Progressive
  • Ex Muslim

DISCLAIMER: This is purely satirical and meant to be thought provoking at best. ENJOY!!!!

This is a message for all my Ummah, past, future, and present.

Conservative Muslim’s Version:

All praise and thanks is to Allah, lord of the worlds.  I am thankful to Allah my master for giving me this second chance at a life.  Only Allah has the ability to truly defy logic and science that he so created and give a human being like myself a second chance.

To those of you who are devoted to me and have recited Darud that praises my name, I have heard you.  I know who you are, and I am very much with you wherever you are.  You have the most difficult task.  You are facing the true greater Jihad of the soul.  The Nonbelievers have spread and threatened Islamic values all around the world.  My Muslims who claim to respect me lose their way with the sisters walking in the streets naked and the brothers watching porn in their free time.  Many of the corrupted souls even engage in promiscuity before marriage which I have forbid.  Let they be a testament that the day of judgment is nearing us.  However, do not let them corrupt you.

To my sisters: You are truly beautiful and wonderful.  For you Allah will secure eternal love of your family in heaven.  The Kafirs always try to bring up the 72 houris in Jannat, and ask what women will get.  You accept the gifts your lord has ready for you and you refuse to indulge the temptation of feminism.  Allah made men and women and you have accepted your roles as women, a very important role.  You are the mothers, the birth givers of the next generation of Ummah therefore you must do whatever it takes to be the best wife and mother you can be.  Let the men worry about education, you need to worry about your children.

As you can all see, there is great science in the Quran and it is being discovered by scientists today.  Truly, the western scientists are behind the Quran in understanding Allah’s miracles.

I find it despicable that in today’s world, rulers are considering condoning gay marriage.

My society in Madinah was perfect.  My Sahabah are exempt from criticism, and you should try your best to carry on my exact legacy in your world.  There shall be no question for this.

Shaytan comes in many forms and he is approaching you through the sister who took off her scarf and became a feminist, through the brother who no longer attends the Muslim Student meetings comprised of my Ummah in university and hangs with the Kafirs.  Shaytan will come to you through the disbelievers who appear to be knowledgeable but only want to misguide you, calling it the science of Allah.  Even though they deny Allah’s existence through their science.  Shaytan will approach you in many forms so beware.  Do not give in to the sinful lifestyle of the nonbelievers.

I have seen and spoken with Allah in the afterlife.  He is angry with how the world has become but worry not: persist with your faith and He will be ever happy with you.

Moderate Muslim’s Version:

All praise and thanks is to Allah, lord of the worlds.  I am thankful to Allah my master for giving me this second chance at a life.  Only Allah has the ability to truly defy logic and science that he so created and give a human being like myself a second chance.

Listen.  I’m here for you guys.  I know a lot of things have been vague over the centuries and it can be tough you know?  Your Non Muslim friends having one view and you having another…  And you wonder about many things of what I did.  The truth is: In Madinah I was a governor, so I had to enact laws that were for the better of Islam and the Ummah.  I know you have doubts about my marriage with Aisha, but look: did she not grow up to be one of the key witnesses for the Hadith?

The fact of the matter is, some parts of the Quran, were meant to be literal during my prophethood because of the situation but they were meant to be taken metaphorically afterwards.  Like death to apostates?  What I really meant was for apostasy to metaphorically represent leaving your religion in the few seconds, minutes, or hours you commit a sin.  In the few seconds, minutes, or hours you are sinful, you leave the Muslim part of your soul to join with Shaytan.  Therefore when I say death to apostates I really mean death to the Shaytan inside you.  Makes sense right?  Kafirs just like to cherry pick these verses from the beautiful deep poetic Quran without understanding the context.  The Quran does mention that there is no compulsion in religion does it not?

Ignore ISIS.  They’re not real Islam.  They’re extreme Islam.  Ignore ISIS and other similar organizations; what the government of Pakistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Indonesia do.  Ignore the Imams who justify misogyny.  They don’t know real Islam.  Ignore everybody whose existence has provided the world negativity regarding Islam because they don’t know Islam.  They take all the Ayahs about Jihad, and women out of context.

Some of you stress about missing some prayers, committing sin etc.  Okay yes, there is a heaven and hell after we die.  I saw both places. But listen: if you miss a few prayers, a few fasts, indulge vice by having sex or drinking on occasion, it’s okay.  Just hope that you don’t die tomorrow, and repent later.  Plus all that matters is that you’re a good person who believes in Allah right?

I know I know, death to apostate, death to the shaytan in you who takes away your Islam.  But if you do good deeds, that too is Islamic isn’t it?  Being Muslim is just acknowledging Allah, myself and being good.  If you pray that’s a plus!  Though I do recommend you start praying when you have kids because you don’t want to raise sinners right?  Don’t let your kids do the same sinning as you.  You may be wise enough to stop your vice, your kids may not.

To my sisters, listen up.  Allah and I recommend you stay home, but you are not mandated to.  If you want to start a career go for it.  You having a successful career, while praying only gives us a good name.  Just make sure you raise your kids properly.  Also hijab is a choice.  People misunderstand that rule because it gets forced upon women and girls which I do not endorse.  Hijab is your choice, but know that you look prettier and more modest with a hijab!

To sum it up: continue living your life.  The Quran is actually beautiful and poetic.  Don’t take it out of context, know that there are hidden meanings in each passage because the Almighty Allah is so mysterious.  I’m very happy with you all.

Progressive Muslim’s Version

Okay… So it appears that people really took my words the wrong way. My bad. I wasn’t clear enough.

The Quran was progressive in its time sure.  We fought a lot of negative injustices in society.  But my true intention was for it to continue progressing even after I died.  I wanted the Quran to be continued through the souls after me that craved for justice, progress and intelligence in society.  I wanted the Quran to be a symbol that continued growing with society.

Too bad: my idiot companions really took it too far.

Who said it was okay to condemn homosexuality?  They took the story of Lot out of context.  That story was about sodomy, denying hospitality, and pride, not about homosexuality.  Allah made you gay, Allah loves you.  Don’t listen to the Salafis and the mainstream Muslims.

It really isn’t all bad. Algebra came from Muslims!

So the Quran… is it my book?  I won’t really reveal that.  But I will say that you shouldn’t really live your life based on this book.  This book can be one guide but not the total ruling of your life.  I really meant it for my local environment which had people that lacked intellect.

Did I go to heaven on a sleigh overnight?  Well I was tripping high so I believe I went.  And because in my experience and perception, I had gone, it is true to me.  Everybody has a different truth you know?

Are heaven or hell real?  Is Shaytan real?  I’m not really sure.  I’m okay with that.  They’re just ideas I relayed to my people to represent evil, and the consequences of behavior.

I really don’t know what’s real.  I just wanted to fix society and help mankind with justice really.  I think you should all interpret the Quran in your own way and strive to help society around you.

God loves you.  You should live your life morally and with good intention and Allah will always love you.  Be yourself, be just, be honest.

Ex Muslim Muslim’s Version

Whoa… So I’m a little overwhelmed.  I really had intended to bring Allah’s cause to Arabia but Europeans, Africans, Indians and all kinds of people are under Islamic influence!

Whoops I revealed too much.  What I meant to say was:

Hey it’s really nice to see you guys after a long time!  I missed you.  It’s good to see the Quran is being followed so thoroughly and with much devotion by the Muslims.

I came to life for a reason.  Allah sent a new Surah for this second life of mine.  It goes like this:

“1. Say He is the Lord,

2. Who Grants you your wishes and blesses you with greatness

3. Was it not Allah who helped you with all the good things in your life?

4. When we sent our Apostle back to Earth, we told him “ask your Ummah to hand you all their riches and to let you lay with their wives and daughters for one night.  Whoever Denies shall be cast into Hellfire.  Let this be a test to their faith.”

5. If any doubts in our words, let them know that this is a mere test of their faith and their generous offerings of their wealth and entrusting their wives with our Apostle means entrusting their wives and riches with us.

6. Whoever succeeds this test, shall be rewarded greatly in Heaven and protected from Evil.

So Anyways yeah… Allah sent this New Surah with me to this second life.  You should all really listen to him.  He’s all Knowing.  All right I’ll see you guys soon.  Don’t forget to Follow my Youtube Channel, Instagram, Twitter and message me for arrangements.  I accept cash, credit, debit, check, Google Wallet, Paypal.  See you soon!  I’ll pray for you all.

Yours Truly,

Prophet Muhammad.

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2 thoughts on “What Would Muhammad Say to 21st century Muslims? Based on Multiple Views.

  1. Are you fucking kidding me?
    have you gone nuts?
    you need to shut ur whore mouth,
    faking about you been afterlife and that god is angry with ppl!
    are you fooling around?
    stupid brainless!

    Like

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