Family Observations: How Family and Parents of Ex Muslims Feel

(Copied and Pasted from my previous site)

Coming out is a big step for most Ex Muslims.

For this piece, I’d like to refer to this article of a young woman in the UK coming out to her parents as a sample case study.

This narrative successfully shows the Faithful Muslim Family’s perspective when their loved one renounces the faith.

You see, the parents and families who are faithful… have faith in Islam.  I know that sounded redundant, but I had to reiterate the faithful aspect of it all.  When they subscribe to faith, they subscribe to the ideology that the Quran is perfect with no infallibility whatsoever.  By buying into the Quran, they believe in Hell, Heaven, God, Angels, Prophetic Miracles, and the Quran’s 7th century moral doctrine as the ultimate foundation of reality.  They interpret sequence of events through the Quran’s lens, and evaluate modern conflicts as signs of the Day of Judgment.

But let’s reiterate one thing: They believe in Hell: one of the most abusive aspects of Religious faith.  They believe in the Quran’s obsessive claim that if you don’t believe in Allah, you will go to Hell.  They believe it is their responsibility as Muslims to pass down the Quran’s perfect teachings to their offspring and for their legacy in this world to be one that benefits Islam.

So for a Muslim, in this case a first generation American Muslim, to have children that do not recognize Islam as the foundation of reality is the ultimate failure of parenting.  They look to themselves and think “I have to answer to Allah in the Day of Judgment for this.”  They are so convinced that Hell is a reality without evidence, that their feelings become consumed with fear, anxiety, and guilt.  They ask “where did I go wrong?”  They think migrating to a western country was a mistake.  They think “maybe I could’ve sent him to Islamic school, made him learn the Quran more thoroughly as a child.”  They trace their steps and think where they went wrong.

As parents, they become worried their child will burn in Hellfire.  No parent wants eternal damnation and torture for their child.

This is one reason along with societal shaming, that you’ll see families of Muslim Apostates often times overreacting.

Now, apologists and moderates will say “But that’s not Islam. Doesn’t Quran say there’s no Compulsion in Religion?”

Sure, but for that one Verse there are countless more that speak against apostasy, treat it like the ultimate treason and a lot more verses that shame people for not believing.

Here are some texts:


Quran (4:89)“They wish that you should disbelieve as they disbelieve, and then you would be equal; therefore take not to yourselves friends of them, until they emigrate in the way of God; then, if they turn their backs, take them, and slay them wherever you find them; take not to yourselves any one of them as friend or helper.”

Quran (9:11-12)“But if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then are they your brethren in religion. We detail Our revelations for a people who have knowledge. And if they break their pledges after their treaty (hath been made with you) and assail your religion, then fight the heads of disbelief – Lo! they have no binding oaths – in order that they may desist.”

Other verses that seem to support the many Hadith that establish the death sentence for apostates are Quran verses 2:217, 9:73-74, 88:21, 5:54, 9:66.

Hadith and Sira

Bukhari (52:260)“…The Prophet said, ‘If somebody (a Muslim) discards his religion, kill him.’ “

Bukhari (83:37)“Allah’s Apostle never killed anyone except in one of the following three situations: (1) A person who killed somebody unjustly, was killed (in Qisas,) (2) a married person who committed illegal sexual intercourse and (3) a man who fought against Allah and His Apostle and deserted Islam and became an apostate.”

Bukhari (84:57) – [In the words of] “Allah’s Apostle, ‘Whoever changed his Islamic religion, then kill him.'”

Bukhari (89:271) – A man who embraces Islam, then reverts to Judaism is to be killed according to “the verdict of Allah and his apostle.”

Bukhari (84:58)“There was a fettered man beside Abu Muisa. Mu’adh asked, ‘Who is this (man)?’ Abu Muisa said, ‘He was a Jew and became a Muslim and then reverted back to Judaism.’ Then Abu Muisa requested Mu’adh to sit down but Mu’adh said, ‘I will not sit down till he has been killed. This is the judgment of Allah and His Apostle (for such cases) and repeated it thrice.’ Then Abu Musa ordered that the man be killed, and he was killed. Abu Musa added, ‘Then we discussed the night prayers'”

Bukhari (84:64-65)“Allah’s Apostle: ‘During the last days there will appear some young foolish people who will say the best words but their faith will not go beyond their throats (i.e. they will have no faith) and will go out from (leave) their religion as an arrow goes out of the game. So, wherever you find them, kill them, for whoever kills them shall have reward on the Day of Resurrection.'”

Bukhari (11:626)“The Prophet said, ‘No prayer is harder for the hypocrites than the Fajr and the ‘Isha’ prayers and if they knew the reward for these prayers at their respective times, they would certainly present themselves (in the mosques) even if they had to crawl.’ The Prophet added, ‘Certainly I decided to order the Mu’adh-dhin (call-maker) to pronounce Iqama and order a man to lead the prayer and then take a fire flame to burn all those who had not left their houses so far for the prayer along with their houses’.”

Abu Dawud (4346)Was not there a wise man among you who would stand up to him when he saw that I had withheld my hand from accepting his allegiance, and kill him?” Muhammad is chastising his companions for allowing an apostate to “repent” under duress. (The person in question was Muhammad’s former scribe, who left him after doubting the authenticity of divine “revelations” – upon finding out that grammatical changes could be made. He was brought back to Muhammad after having been captured in Medina).

al-Muwatta of Imam Malik (36.18.15)“The Messenger of Allah said, “If someone changes his religion – then strike off his head.”

Reliance of the Traveller (Islamic Law) o8.1“When a person who has reached puberty and is sane voluntarily apostatizes from Islam, he deserves to be killed.” (o8.4 affirms that there is no penalty for killing an apostate).

You can go check for these scriptural texts yourself.  There are countless more that speak about not believing and what a horrible crime it is.  In fact, all the Prophets’ stories have antagonists who didn’t believe in the religion the Prophets came with, then God massacred them.

You see, Muslims growing up and internalizing these stories (that lack credible archaeological and scientific evidence that they actually happened), are indoctrinated into internally shaming the disbelief of Islam.  They are taught that they are lucky to be born into Islam because all others have it wrong, and they are privileged to have higher chances of getting into heaven.

So when someone renounces the faith, it comes as a shocker.  “Why?”

And in the case of parents and family of the apostate: it is seen as a huge failure in parenting.

My thoughts on this?  It’s sad to see people in today’s world take a product of the 7th century so seriously and cater every spectacle of their lives to it.  It’s also interesting to see people call Allah the most Merciful, and the Most Kind, but they fear his wrath at the same time.  It’s sad to see this 7th century movement have such a divisive effect on today’s families, communities, nations etc.

What do you think? Feel free to comment below. Don’t forget to follow me at:

Twitter @secularbrownie





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