How Allah is Represented in Spongebob Squarepants

(Copied and Pasted from my previous site)

Hold up let me get this straight…

So Allah was lonely, created Jinn, Humans, Angels. Then Iblis stands up to his authority and was cast away.  He challenged God in a battle of wits that will go until the end of existence, over who can get more followers.  God then has Adam and Eve chilling in heaven and forbade them to eat a specific fruit… knowing that Iblis was lurking around there as a talking snake.  Eve ate it out of temptation.  God sent them to Earth where they and their offspring (the rest of humanity) will be tested by God and tempted by Iblis.

God then sends various books and Prophets to warn humans which are FAILED attempts but it’s okay… he has their back… with those miracles.  And only with Muhammad and the Quran, he got it right.  And in that book he apparently authored, he heavily stresses “Don’t you dare even THINK about changing this book” And “You better believe in me, or you’re basically screwed.”

So the only real evidence Allah left us of his existence is this book… Which answers no significant scientific questions.  You know the Theory of Evolution would be nice, or that the Earth Isn’t Flat/revolves around the Sun.  But instead the book discusses morality only fit for a specific culture, and obsesses over believing in Allah.  Then he, the master of the universe, for some reason, requires Muslims to pray, fast for 30 days, and make a trip to Saudi Arabia.  Out of all the practically useful things humans can do, like learn, or aspire to be meaningful heroes of society: they’re REQUIRED to kiss Allah’s ass 5 times a day.

Oh and he bans a shit load of things.  Because you know, he can.  And it’d be that much fun to watch humans try to worship him under that much restrictions.  Maybe he secretly is setting us up to fail.

So we are left with.. just this book.  And we’re supposed to believe in God because that’ll help him win against Shaytan in gaining street cred.  He leaves us little evidence of his existence, just says things like “look at the Creations of Your Lord” as if every animal having sex to create babies or flowers being of different shades is somehow reason to believe in…. the idea that we’re in a tug of war between Allah and Shaytan and we have to choose Allah without any real evidence or we’re basically screwed.

Allah puts us through ALL THIS just because of a little contest with one of his defiant creations?  Allah created ALL THIS just because he was lonely and needed validation from his creations?

AND HE KNEW ALL THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? Yo that’s fucked up.

If I know a person going into location X will indefinitely get them sexually assaulted, and I send them there anyway….. I’m evil.  If God does it, he “works in mysterious ways.”

It does remind me of Plankton from Spongebob… With a computerized wife that’s always attentive to his every need.  That’s who the worshipers are: a computerized wife.

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Yeah I said it: Allah = Plankton From Spongebob… An Insecure, narcissistic being in constant need of validation of his existence without real evidence (though Plankton’s existence is proven to the characters of that show.  Therefore I have more reason to believe in Plankton than Allah.)

Ask yourself this: How would the world look if Plankton were God?  Not that much different: we’d have an all powerful creator who is insecure, angry, vengeful and extremely jealous if we acknowledge a bunch of statues (that we can PHYSICALLY SEE AND FEEL) as the source of our spirituality instead of him.  Would Plankton have Heaven with 72 virgins for martyrs of his cause?  HELL YEAH.  Would he have Hell with punishments allegedly worse than Guantanamo Bay or anything we see in this planet?  HELL YEAH!

So Muslims and Christians really believe… in Plankton as their God.

I’ll end with this question: Do Muslims (And Christians) really believe in this battle of wits as the explanation for existence… instead of the Theory of Evolution?

What do you think? Feel free to comment below. Don’t forget to follow this site, follow my twitter @secularbrownie and my Facebook for updates and cool articles!

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