The Things I Used To Ask Allah For

Muslim prayer at holy mosque

When you grow up in a religion you are told that if you pray to God with pure intentions, God helps you out.  I would ask Allah for so many interesting things from childhood until apostasy.  Here’s a list of things I would ask Allah for (please keep in mind I used to think differently):

  • Bless my family, help them make it to heaven
  • Show the girl in school I had a crush on the righteous path of Islam so we can maybe be in heaven together.
  • If Allah can do anything, he can give me Super Saiyan powers too.  So I begged Allah to give me miraculous abilities like the prophets and allow me to become a Super Saiyan.
  • Good grades
  • Good fortune for family.
  • Cure my aunt of her cancer (she wasn’t cured,  She died.)
  • Help John Kerry beat George Bush in the 2004 elections.
  • Leak footage of George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld admitting and laughing about how 9/11 was an inside job just to help them get oil, and obliterate Islam.
  • Keep me safe from Shaytan
  • Help me get over that crush on that girl because I can’t stop looking at her more than once and that’s Shaytan tempting me
  • Help me make it to heaven
  • “Take my life tonight.  And if you do, take me to heaven.”
  • Help me beat my brother in YugiOh Cards
  • Allow my mother to have a safe pregnancy
  • Let me dream of Muhammed
  • I checked out that girl in class.  Please forgive me!
  • Help me get over these doubts
  • Give me the power of teleportation
  • Okay, if you convert that hot chick into Islam and let me marry her, I’ll pray forever and will put all my energy into building a mosque.
  • Apparently gay people exist.  Allah please keep me away from this gay disease
  • Allah protect me from Shaytan
  • So apparently it’s possible to control air, fire, water, earth the way they do in Avatar: The Last Airbender.  Can I get those powers?  Come on.
  • Allah can I see you?  These atheists are messing with my head.  I just want to see you.  Allah please let me maintain this faith.  Allah give me wisdom to convert these atheists.

Can we just enjoy the fact that I asked Allah to give me Super Saiyan powers?

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4 thoughts on “The Things I Used To Ask Allah For

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